Shake Off That Shame!
3 minute read
Like a piece of clothing that doesn’t fit, or driving down a one way street the wrong way, human beings are not designed for shame.
Having said that, it is also true that we all experience shame somewhere in life. It is part of the human condition that calls for compassion rather than judgement toward ourselves and others.
Recent research into the brain tells us that we are physically wired to function in the ‘love zone’. Fear and shame are not components of love and they in fact create mental chaos. (Concept from Caroline Leaf, ‘Switch on Your Brain” August 4th 2015).
The antidote to shame is dignity. The opposite of a bad self is not a good self but a loved self.
Dignity could be summed up broadly with the words:
Love, Acceptance, Belonging and Value.
Shame could be summed up as :
No Love , No Acceptance, No Belonging and No Value.
When you read that list, one of those words might spring out as if highlighted to you and possibly with an element of sadness or pain. This is useful information and a cause for hope. You are on the right track to removing shame when there is awareness of exactly where it hurts.
Guilt says, “I have done something wrong”. Shame says, “I am wrong”. My personhood is faulty and can’t be made right”. I’m happy to say that this is not true.
There is great help available and there are positive steps that will set us up to shake off shame and live a life connected to others who are growing, imperfect but loving and happy people .
Steps such as finding safe and kind people who we can be in relationship with, where we can bring our whole self, the good, the bad and the ugly parts and still be loved. These people with tell us the truth but remain for us. They will have healthy boundaries that will model stability and self control.
An isolated self feels like an unloved self.
We can pursue growth in a supportive environment where healing, forgiveness and restoration can take place.
Treating yourself as someone worthy of love just as you would another person that is dear to you and seeing yourself through forgiving and gentle eyes will also create further forward movement into greater internal health.
We can choose to put on dignity when we feel that we are unworthy. Like a robe we can take it to ourselves. This dignity is our position as human beings. It is not something that we earn. It will also produce loving behaviour when we understand that destructive behaviours are not who we are but are signals that all is not well with my soul.
Take steps to shake off that shame dear one…
… You were built for love!