The Secret Sauce of Parenting

3 minute read

In normal life, we physically grow and reach maturity, where adult things, such as freedom and responsibilities, start to kick in.

There is a new found freedom in the young adult, to be independent, move away, choose a career, travel and generally do things as they decide. Then those weightier things called responsibilities appear, bills to pay, careers to build, relationships and financing that new found independence!

Physical maturity happens as a matter of course, but emotional and spiritual maturity… hmmm, now that’s different.

So how do we raise our beautiful children to be mature, inside and out?

The secret sauce…is to join responsibility and freedom together.

This means that the amount of freedom given is directly related to the level of responsibility displayed. We could say:

“No Show-No Go”!

For example;

Tom is responsible to take out the garbage. Tom says, “ You can’t make me”. Mum says, “That’s absolutely true, but I can tell you what will happen if you choose to not take out the garbage”. Mum has already thought of the appropriate consequence to motivate Tom to want to take out the garbage.

If Mum holds the line, then Tom has been free to choose and has been taught one of the universal principles of life called ‘Cause and Effect’ which says “If you do this… then this… will happen”. Tom has learnt that limits are real and that reality is to be respected.

Freedom leaves room for choice, vision and desire. It does not control . Responsibility on the other hand is structural by nature. It is a truthful quality that needs to be sound and reliable for trust to be built. Freedom and responsibility are essential components of love.

The secret sauce to raising adults who are responsible with their freedom…

…is to parent with both ingredients in equal measure.