Growing Up The Kids!

3 minute read

What does maturity look like ?

We have physical maturity .That happens generally as a matter of course . We also have maturity of soul and spirit which requires the input of relationship and structure to thrive.

When we join truth together with love, we enable healthy growth and are headed in the direction of maturity for both the child …and the parent .

Herein lies the blueprint for parenting and personal growth in general– the joining of love and truth together.

If these qualities are split by parenting, with truth ( which brings structure) only and little or no affection and connection and touching the hearts of our children, we will not arrive at maturity, OR  if we parent with much grace and love and little or no structure and teaching of responsibility and ownership we also will not arrive at maturity.

The highest form of love is unconditional love . It says “there is nothing you can do to make me love you more or love you less”. It is the empowering quality that connects us and holds us. It is relational glue .

It has the power to enable us to do what the structure demands. It covers our weakness. It produces freedom.

Truth on the other hand is structural by nature and it is immovable. It is not moved by convenience but holds the line and stands by its values. It keeps limits so that direction is maintained and progress is achieved. It is responsible and takes ownership and is accountable.

When we join these qualities together in our parenting, and in our own lives as adults we will be able to co-operate with the healthy blueprint, in raising our children to be not only physically mature but also mature on the inside. This maturity opens up life in greater dimensions to those who have been trained by it.

Some other ways to say the joining of these essential aspects of growth are :

*Freedom and Responsibility - Freedom is an essential component of love where there is choice joined with responsibility (which has the consequences of reality built in to it ).

*Love and Limits - Limits create focus and direction and discipline and when combined with love, will produce peaceful and productive and relationally sound progress.

We can be confident that we are doing our best in raising these unique and wonderful children by not just giving them information about the realities of life but training them in the formation of maturity and good character which will hold them in good stead for the whole of their lives - the joining of love and truth together.

Some practical tips:

*Empathise with your children’s feelings and hold that line!

 *Consider your own maturity as the parent and commit to grow in areas where perhaps holding the line is difficult or expressing empathy is not comfortable . Parents with healthy boundaries produce children with healthy boundaries.

 *Love is fuel. Discover the love languages of your children in order to fill their love tank so that they can do life effectively. ( The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman )

 *Teach them how to give a “no” kindly and to receive another’s “no” respectfully  and securely, and that “no “ is a necessary and healthy word.

  *Teach them to care for others while at the same time looking after their own needs, not losing control of themselves. This is done by modelling and instruction.

  *Use consequences that are age appropriate, that match the severity of the misbehaviour and that motivate the child to want to do what is required . Consequences are the best teachers of reality.

If we know what we are aiming for, we are more likely to see ourselves as effective parents and to move in that direction.

…Let’s grow up together.